That Drifting Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! It's the Television Disappointments of the Past Year.
Looking back, we consider the TV landscape of the past year, a selection of series emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.
And Just Like That
How to start with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with dreadful writing, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. Briefly, as the final season started, it looked like it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an installment all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner declared this would be the last season. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too on-the-nose. Still, fans undeniably found joy dissecting every single “what on earth?” moment. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't release a little sob?
The Kim Kardashian Drama
‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’
But that was almost the smallest of this show's issues. The subject of a exceedingly uncommon zero star review, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the problems. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing veneration of wealth and materialism? The seemingly wilful parade of cliches? Acting so poor they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a second season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.
The Charlie Sheen Documentary
Considering the legal troubles, abuse claims and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not that you’d truly have known it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various episodes of self-destructive excess while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this loose cannon was being pandered to, so any pity this show might evoke should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charismatic but flippant egotist.
The Iris Affair
Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of sheer admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.
MobLand
Dodgy characters convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.
Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a little old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to accommodate baffling accents. But there were many other problems. Mainly that it was just really boring; a conflict over narcotics territory between various London rogues which seemed a bit basic.
The Meghan Markle Series
Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of certain performatively angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s televised ventures into quaint lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are forced to concede that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a poster for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a parade of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and pointless crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All supported by vast, mostly unearned wealth. Ugh.
The Beckham Documentary
There are clearly interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, self-image, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Rather, the viewing was akin to consuming a marketing brochure. She clearly has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any favours with this guarded letdown of a series.
The Inheritance
It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became incomprehensible: it’s still too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a production that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.
Too Much
How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.
The Sketch Show Return
Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the shrewd inclusion of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known irate mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.
The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox
This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The material needed to be treated sensitively. Rather, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right voice, lumbering from oddly jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A complete mess? Very much so.
The Maths Genius Thriller
We love the star … but did we buy him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies spying on – and killing off – academics frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story
This uncritical portrait followed the content creator notorious for sexual escapades as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we wanted was way more interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the now-famous mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.
